My Family’s Hero


Life can change within a matter of seconds.

That’s the thought that keeps running through my head. I had said that to a friend a week before Willie got sick about his mother slipping into a coma after falling on ice. It’s crazy that those same words would ring true to my life the very next week. It has been about two weeks since I learned that my life would change forever. That I would be losing one of the most important people to me; my sister’s dad, Willie. He’s the only man that has been a true father to me. The man that I assumed would walk me down the aisle one day and be my children’s grandpa. It’s hard to know that that will never happen…

Willie was such a great man. Here’s the thing, Willie isn’t my biological father.  He’s my sister Chelsie’s dad. He never once made me feel like I wasn’t though. He always called me his kid, always told people I was his daughter. There was one time that I got into an argument with someone and they passively kept implying he wasn’t my father. I remember when Chelsie told him. He got so angry and said “no one talks to my daughter that way.” I don’t know if he knew this, but times like that, and hearing him say that made my heart smile.  He didn’t have to claim my brother and me, or buy us gifts, and make it to school stuff for us, but he did.  We are so blessed to have had such an amazing man in our lives.   I am truly thankful for the countless memories I have with Willie. He was seriously the best dad and friend to me and my siblings. 

He told the best stories at parties with my family and was always the life of the party. There have been countless times that my mom would make me mad and I would call Willie and tell on her. Lol. He always had my back. I always got off the phone feeling better with him, knowing someone was in my corner. More than anything, I am proud of the person he was. Since he had been in the hospital there were numerous people that stopped by whether they were friends or people that worked at the hospital that talked about what a good man Willie was. One of the nurses that did his dialysis told us that he bought the whole staff lunch while he was still well. Also, some of the dialysis patients told us he bought everyone that was going to dialysis Christmas presents this year. How amazing is that? Seriously. I am honored that I had Willie in my life and could call him my dad.

               It is stories like that will keep my family pushing and make it through this hard time. He was such an awesome person. Those last few days as I went into the hospital every day, I have solace that he heard me. I couldn’t express my gratitude enough, and I couldn’t tell him I loved him enough. The fact of the matter is that tomorrow isn’t promised so we should hug the ones we love a little tighter and remind people that we love them.  Life still feels very surreal right now. It’s very raw, but I know that with God, my family will make it through this. After all, it’s not a bad thing getting to go home to the King of Kings.

 I love you Willie and I will forever miss you. 





“It’s gonna end how you expected, girl you’re such a masochist”- The Weeknd


I wonder if The Weeknd knew he was making a song that pretty much describes me when he wrote those words. I hate that I feel the need to write when I’m sad. I want to have happy writings too. I’m not sure if writing how I feel even makes a difference, but here goes nothing.

Relationships.  Le Sigh. This is a never-ending, confusing, and strange topic in my life. I know men think women are complicated, and I agree we are, but men are not any better. I mean, I know what my problem is. First step is admitting there is an issue right? Right? My problem is I think I can save these guys. This girl is a repeat offender of falling in love with a man’s potential. “Oh he’s really intelligent, but he sure loves lots of ladies, but I bet I can change that” or “he’s a really nice guy that is falling on hard times, he’ll get a job.” LOL these are real life conversations I have with myself. Why am I so intent on hoping someone will change when I know that I will be let down in the end? It’s not major changes either, just trying to help someone be a better person. It should be like that for the both of us right? When you care about someone, you want them to be the best “them” they can be. I don’t know. It’s all so confusing to me. I don’t want to think anyone would want to hurt someone on purpose. I’m not even sure people look at it that way. That what they are doing could potentially hurt someone, but lying and cheating will do exactly just that. Does this sound bitter? Ha. I’m not bitter, probably a little too forgiving. I know being forgiving isn’t a bad thing, but it is when you can’t seem to let go. I’m just known for giving people too many chances which is where I think the self inflicted (mentally) pain comes in. I am literally not able to let something go and be ok. I keep coming back until I literally can’t stand them. Lol what’s wrong with me? Maybe I’m being naïve thinking there is good in everyone. Maybe I’m the problem for not truly knowing my self-worth. Even with that knowledge, I still have hope.

So with that being said I’m trying to look within myself and what it is about me that attracts/finds these types of men. First and foremost, if you know me you know I don’t have my dad in my life. With that being said, I feel totally blessed that I’m not a girl with “daddy issues.” There is nothing against women who do though because I totally understand that. It’s not easy.  While we are on that subject, the most promiscuous girls I’ve met in my life had their dads. So girls without dads get a bad rap, and that bothers me. But anyway, that’s another subject. Lol. I honestly think I went through my issues as a rebellious teenager as far as looking for a man to fill a void that I didn’t have in my home. Do I want to be loved? Of course, who doesn’t? Have I compromised myself and even my beliefs at times trying to make a relationship work? Absolutely.  It’s so easy to know the right things to do and tell myself I don’t deserve this or that, but somehow my heart gets in the way. Or that part of me that wants to save that man. Listen, I know I’m a pretty great catch. Lol. That sounds like some sort of arrogance, but totally not to be depicted that way! I just know I have a good heart, I’m fun, and I’m pretty cute on my good days. Ha! But there’s a part of me that wonders if I really knew my self-worth would I put up with these types of guys. I just had this idea of what my life was suppose to be at this point and considering the husband and two kids aren’t here, it can be a bit disappointing.

Sometimes I get so caught up in sadness and the question of why.  I suck at keeping my guard up. I’m really not even sure what that means. I’m definitely a “wear my heart on my sleeve” type of girl. I have such a hard time not pouring my all in with friendships and relationships. Makes me think maybe my loyalty is a weakness. Maybe just being loyal to the wrong people is.  I try not to get too caught up in those thoughts because if I do, I will be having myself a pity party more often than not. Ya know, I really don’t have all the answers so for now I will just work on loving me, and being a better me. Overall, life is good. I have a great family and amazing friends. It’s truly the best feeling to have people in your life that you know genuinely care about you.  So I will just be patient and work on myself. Because Lord knows I want to get it (marriage) right the first time!

“It’s gonna end how you expected, girl you’re

New Year


2013. Two thousand thirteen. Twenty thirteen. Woo time flies! I really have no complaints about 2012, it was a great year.

It was a year full of ups and downs in relationships. Let me tell you I really know how to pick ‘em. Lol.

I got closer with some friends that I never thought I would.

It was a great year for bookclub. I love the women in it. They make me want to be a better person.

I went through some growing pains this year as well. It was hard for me seeing that there was a distance growing between some close friends and me. I guess it’s all just a part of growing up.

I started the year at a job that I literally hated, only to find an amazing job that I love so much.

There were some moments that I thought I wouldn’t/didn’t want to make it through. Times when I thought I was losing my mind, and that this world would be better off without me. You guys know me, I am a realist when it comes to my feelings even when I’m being irrational. Haha. I just thank God for my faith though, and my praying friends and family. I feel truly blessed about that.

I got cheated on, but I found out early. Thank goodness for women’s intuition.

Some of my proudest moments this year were with the kids at church. I did my first vacation bible school this summer. It went really well. Definitely a scary feat but I prepared well. Another time was around Christmas when the kids made cards for the families of Sandy Hook. That just made my heart melt. Moments like that make life worth it. 

I think in 2012, I learned to become more thankful with the people I’m around and with my faith. I learned to take the time out to give God thanks. Something else I tried to get better about was prayer. I mean I have always been a praying girl, but now when I tell someone I’m going to pray for them I take the time out to do it. Whether it be on a facebook status or something you’ve personally told me about, I’m praying for you. 🙂 

So in this new year, I take all the lessons I learned (good and bad) and I will become a better me. I’m going to try to stop complaining so much and start believing in myself. I have all these conversations within myself about what I want to do, and how I want to do it. But I have become such a skeptic about myself. Well this year I will start believing in ME! I’m excited for what the year brings and for the things I KNOW I will accomplish!! 

I wish happiness, blessings, and prosperity for you and yours. Happy New Year! 

So Emotional



Soooo, if you know me personally, you know how I am. Emotional.

Oh yes, I cry about everything! TV shows, concerts, Jesus (I love him so), super cheesy moments, and then the not-so-fun stuff like when people hurt me or someone dies. Yes, I am what you call sensitive.

I remember one time I hit a turtle while driving (by accident) and I cried like my best friend died. It was horrible.

I cry when people do crappy things to me that know will hurt me. Things like talking behind my back, not being honest with me, or just not being a nice person. People not being nice REALLY bothers me.

I cry at concerts when I’m overwhelmed by the amazing creativeness surrounding me. I just get so dang excited. In my defense, it was only 2 concerts that that happened at. So I’ve been praying about it. I’m like, “Lord help me not be such a mental case.” But then I got to thinking, I’m ok with being emotional. I truly believe that my “emotionalness” (I think that’s a word) determines the kind of friend, daughter, and sister that I am.

I genuinely care about people’s feelings. I don’t want to hurt them, or offend them. Yes, I understand that that can be impossible at times, but at least I’m not doing it on purpose. I find myself looking out for people I’m not friends with when someone has something bad to say about them. I think part of me being emotional comes from, “I’m such a great friend to them, why can’t they be that in return?” At the end of the day, I just have to be me. I can’t control people and how they are. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not perfect. People get on my nerves, my last nerve, I’m working on dealing with them. Haha.  I honestly can be a bit naive which can land me in some trouble too. I just don’t want to have this belief that I can’t trust anyone though. That’s not me.

Ok so now I’m rambling a bit. One of my favorite things about me is that I’ve learned to think before I speak. So as much as I might want to call someone a douchebag or a slut, I just can’t. I don’t want to regret something I’ve said or done to someone. Because the fact of the matter is, people forgive, but they don’t forget. Trust me, there’s some things that I will never forget. So if being emotional makes me have empathy and compassion for people, well then bring on the tears baby! : )




New Beginnings


So I started a new job yesterday after being on a job for 4+ years that

I was very unhappy at. *sigh* The happiness and almost a relief that

I feel about starting a new job where I like the people and I genuinely

feel like they are happy I’m a part of the team. So so happy. I’m all

about learning new things and I’m pretty excited to have a job I’ve

never done before and a subject I know nothing about. I’m a sponge at

this point and I just want to suck in all the knowledge. I can be such a

dork, I know. But anyways, here’s to new beginnings and an  amazing

journey on this thing we call life!

Hello world!


Hello World! Does this officially make me a blogger?!!! I have some of the most creative and talented friends that blog and I’m always thinking I should write down some of the things I go through day-to-day. Plus I come up with these really great ideas, so why not share them with the world? So I asked a great friend to give me some tips when it comes to this thing we call blogging and this is what she said;

  1. Be honest.
  2. Be true.
  3. Remember everything you publish is there forever
  4. Don’t use images you don’t have rights to (great advice, by the way)
  5. Don’t try to write like anyone else
  6. And don’t be an asshole (my favorite)
  7. If you’re fired up about something, write about it, then sleep on it before you publish. (she obviously knows me well)

So here I am. I’m going to be honest and true and try to remember not to type in caps when I’m all fired up! Ha. I’m definitely going to try to make this a habit, because I am the queen of starting new things and forgetting about them. I’m a bit of a dork. I go around making lists of things I’m going to write about, and then lose the lists. I love to read. I love to talk politics with the right people. I love church and I love to dance. Because those two things go hand in hand right? Ha. I love to have fun and I’m a bit on the emotional side. So hopefully my blog will be all of those things…all of who I am. *oh yeah and I really like corny endings to my blogs, obviously*

P.S. I know my website name isn’t the coolest. Sometimes I lack creativity and originality. : )